Since I last wrote on my blog, a lot of things have changed. Most notably, the workplace and the country. Yet in many ways, things stayed the same and happiness still eluded me. I felt myself betrayed by some friends, and then I hurt others in return. I was waiting for magic to suddenly appear in my life, while I was blind to the miracles unfolding in front of me. I was expecting a savior to appear, when all I needed was to ask for help from the people around me.
And then, when in a moment of rage I ended things with one of my best friends on account of stupid politics, I realized that the very things I hated were the things I deeply disliked about myself.
If I would take a close, honest look at my own reflection in the mirror, what would I see?
- Lack of discipline
- Fear of others
- Fear about the future
- Blame mentality
- Victim mindset
- Racism (about gypsies)
- Emotional coercion
- Self hate
- Criticism of self and others
- Unnecessary verbal harshness
A really ugly picture, right?
… is the end result of a lifetime of poor choices in the form of settling for things that I knew would make me unhappy in the long term by going for the easy, instant gratification kind of moments. I got stuck in my own spider web of misery.
It’s so easy to get distracted in this era, and I kept breaking the promises I made myself for too long.
Who do I really want to be?
I asked myself the question Michael Hyatt suggested in his book, Living Forward: “What will they say when I am dead?”
I want to be remembered as someone who passionately cared about the people in her life. Someone who dared to do the things she feared to do, because her goal was to live out her highest potential. Someone unafraid to live a life of love and passion, of creativity, personal growth and adventure. Someone resilient, who could be strong in her vulnerability. Someone who you would love to have coffee with, especially the times when you would need to be reminded your own desires in life. I want to be that woman who will empower and support the people around her, and at the same time set strong boundaries about what I am or am not willing to do or take on (as per Brené Brown’ advice)
It’s time to stop drifting and start intentionally creating the life I desire living.
On a final note,
…. one thing I am going to make a shift in right away is where I spend my time.
So, I decided that I am going to be off facebook for a while, do more writing while keeping my eyes “on the prize” 🙂
I will go back to using email as a form of communication.
… you want to hear about what books I loved reading, what epic new things I discovered, the articles I find interesting, or what people I listen to, sign up for my monthly friends only newsletter.
Or you can write me an email anytime you want 😉